Songossip

Unshockingly, Puff Daddy disturbs the the big one’s eternal rest looking for a few singles to pay for his latest MTV-type beach party:

Diddy originally envisioned The Notorious B.I.G: The Final Chapter as a double-disc duets LP in the vein of duets albums by the likes Ray Charles and Nat King Cole. Although the LP will now be a single disc, Diddy says he still feels he accomplished his mission of releasing one last classic from his deceased best friend.
(…)”Everyone in the industry wanted to be a part of this, and we got just about everybody,” Diddy said last week in New York during a listening session.

Puff Daddy plans on devouring pieces of dead musicians who chose not to take part in the Final Chapter in an effort to “punish” them for not lending their undead vocals to the deceased Juicy’s landmark final album. Draped in his white, churchly, custom made suit, Puff Daddy was last seen in a French cemetery staring down Jim Morrison’s tombstone.

And In order to further commemorate the occasion of The Final Chapter, I am going to go dig up someone’s grandmother just in time for Halloween.

Biggie Duets LP Features Eminem, Snoop, Tupac, Nas, Ludacris (MTV)
For more: Notorious BIG Puff Daddy Diddy

Per Blogging Baby:

(Kim) Cattrall is feverishly denying reports that she’s been asked by Britney to be baby Sean’s godmother. ContactMusic quotes Cattrall as saying, “I would be so honoured. Britney and I did a film together (Crossroads) and I think it started because I played her mother in the film.”

There’s nothing like the possibility of a extended “celebrity” family vacation involving this trio. As Kevin and Britney engage in highly unorthodox and unshowered lovin’, “the filthy godmother” is in the penthouse, studying Kev and Brit via security camera feed as she works on the sequel to Sexual Intellegence. And Baby is swaddled in a glossy blanket of People Magazine spreads, wondering how it offended the universe.

Don’t ask Kim Cattrall about Britney Spears’ baby (Blogging Baby)
For more: Britney Spears

Cam’ron is doing okay. “I’m doing OK. It takes more than a botched carjacking to keep me down.” On the other hand a botched nose job would keep him pacing the crib for 3 months. Eitb

Paul Simon And Bon Jovi to play at Country music awards. Turn the Stargate on. Now that we have them all in one room we’ll send them all to the hell dimension. Thank you Paul Simon, for your sacrifice. We will erect a statue in your honor. Pitchfork

Kanye West’s record label Def Jam won’t let show on gay themed network LOGO use West’s music, even though West is adamently against homophobia. Next, Def Jam releases statement, “show not gay enough for Kanye”. Rolling Stone

PS: Interestingly, with so much focus on the impending indictments against powerful figures in Washington D.C., the easy way to tell that the Republican party has lost power, is that they weren’t able to take vengeance against Kanye’s harsh words at the Katrina fundraiser. A few years ago at the height of Bush popularity, Kanye’s career would’ve been left floating face-down in the water. Instead, “Bush doesn’t like black people” helped his career. You heard it here first, folks. Struggling bar bands take note: Open every show by saying, “Bush doesn’t like black people.”

For more: Camron Bon Jovi Pete Doherty Babyshambles Libertines Kate Moss Kanye West

Thank the high lords of the Kaballah. In her time of need, Justin Timberlake rises to Britney’s defense:

The 23-year-old singer told US TV show ‘Access Hollywood’: “It’s a little crazy” He added: “When a person like her, who’s obviously a sweet person, is having their first child, it’s like, ‘leave the girl alone, let her have the baby!’”.

Justin went on to talk about how wonderful Britney was in bed, subsequently falling into a brooding silence. He wiped tears from his eyes before signaling to one of his posse. Justin reflected. He knew it wasn’t right but he couldn’t help himself. As his posse herded a dozen or so Britney look-alikes onto the Access Hollywood set, Justin nodded in pleasure, noticing their prosthetic stomachs mimicked late stage pregnancy. Setting his hat at a jaunty angle and raising his riding crop, Justin smiled grimly.

Justin Timberlake defends ex Britney (FemaleFirst)
For more: Britney Spears Justin Timberlake

Juliette Lewis is taking a break from acting to concentrate on her rock band, Juliette and the Licks. Guess she’s got some idle time since there’s no imminent From Dusk Till Dawn sequels in the pipeline? EITB

Jared Leto is interviewed by Teen People about his band 30 Seconds To Mars. The second coming is here. But I don’t mean Christ has returned, I mean the second coming of Dogstar. Teen People

George Clooney resumed a celebrity quarrel with 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts band leader Russell ‘I want to speak to my wife’ Crowe. If you recall, avid celebrity quarrel followers, Crowe started the fight by criticizing Clooney for harnessing his “star power” to sell suits. Clooney shot back by heaping wild buckets of piss on Crowe’s band 100 Odd Foot of Grunts, calling them Grunting For 30 Feet. Anyhow: Clooney has resumed this battle of Hollywood “A” listers, saying, “I don’t like artists attacking artists. I have a problem with that.” Immediately after this statement left his stone polished lips, Clooney turned to a video crew waiting in the wings: “And that’s why smoking is good for you. George Clooney does it. So should you.” NZherald

For more: Juliette Lewis Jared Leto George Clooney Russel Crowe

Michael Jackson summoned as juror at the courthouse where he once stood trial but summoning revoked when it was ascertained Michael no longer lives at Neverland ranch, and now lives in Bahrain inside of a camel, ‘Empire Strikes Back Snow Beast Style’.
Reuters

Janet Reno, ex US Attorney General, is the power behind slightly mutilated looking alt folker cartoon voiced mouse Devendra Banhart appearance (and to be truthful - other folkers as well) on a new compilation of America-educational songs. That was what was so great about the Clinton administration, baby. It wasn’t just the sweaty flim flam in the backroom, it was the groovy alt porn folk music that set the mood.
Pitchfork

For more: Michael Jackson Janet Reno

In a revelatory interview, part of the media junket for her new album, Madonna expresses her one-time marriage doubts:

The Ray Of Light superstar admits she was unrealistic when she first wed the British director in 2000, but is now more philosophical about the man she married. She says: “I got married for all the wrong reasons. My husband did not turn out to be everything I imagined him to be. I just wanted to end everything.

Translation:
The Material girl thought Guy would continue making decent movies, but after all the flops, she finally accepted she was trapped in a relationship with someone who couldn’t provide additional fame. The horse accident and the new disco album are just side effects of her frustration at the thought of slipping from the A list.

Madonna considered dumping Ritchie (IOL)
For more: Madonna

You already know the Baby Juicebox Spears photos were leaked online as thumbnail shots and quickly removed at the mention of a hungry lawsuit. Thank your Kabbalah, I managed to wrest one away from this digital war for you, diligent reader.

Britney baby pix ’stolen’ (Yahoo Music)
Hey, Britney Baby Picture Breakdown! (Songossip)
For more: Sean Preston Britney Baby Britney Spears

Apparently, Van Halen will not be partaking of the next season of Rock Star.

According to the new report, Van Halen’s spokesperson has told MTV that “the band flatly denies any involvement in the show.” MTV also issued a mea culpa for the original report’s statement that the spokesperson had told it that “the band had no comment regarding pending projects.” “[The] spokesperson was never asked specific questions regarding the group’s hypothetical involvement with the Rock Star show, MTV News regrets the oversight,” the news outlet stated in its correction.

Thus, the sacred legacy of Van Halen continues unblemished, except for their original incarnation, the Sammy Hagar period, and when they briefly hired the frontman for Extreme. In the checks and balances system of ‘cred’, Van Halen are a cross between Nelson (the band) and Nelson (Mandela).

This isn’t a case in which the band’s management, testing the waters of public reception, realized that the waters would indeed be lukewarm and quickly and publically denied any involvement.

Van Halen denies ‘Rock Star’ sequel involvement, MTV retracts report (RealityTVWorld)
Ditty Horse (Songossip)
For more: Van Halen

Join the party! Apple gets another class action lawsuit, for the iPod nano’s too-easily scratchable screen. eWeek

Yahoo Music Unlimited doubles subscription fees, forcing you to ask why Bush doesn’t like black people? PC Pro

Death Cab For Cutie pretend not to care about their high chart placement, in reality jubilent that they didn’t share And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead’s poorly selling major label debut. And in reality I’m the one who doesn’t care. MTV News

Coldplay’s Chris Martin outbids Bono of U2 for a lunchbox designed by Michael Stipe, of REM. Martin’s daughter with Gwen Paltrow - Apple - will be able to carry her deer bologne around in style. Oh, these rock stars - wait, what is Michael Stipe now? Virgin

For more: iPod Nano Yahoo Music Unlimited Death Cab For Cutie Coldplay REM U2